I’ve left the link title up, rather than linking a word so that you can see exactly how bad this slideshow of poorly written tips is. First, it’s Yahoo News based, probably one of the worst offenders of having an obvious sexist, anti-alternative lifestyle viewpoint of any seemingly neutral site out there. Second, look at the link! It’s titled on the Yahoo main page as ways to avoid boredom in marriage but once you click on it you are sent straight to something filed in the sex section and when Yahoo means sex they mean let a dude stick it in so he’s not bored.
Here are the tips summarized. In parentheses or not, I describe what the photo that accompanies the tip looks like.
1. Don’t go on date night; stay home and drink wine. (A white woman laughs in a chair with wine)
Isolating yourself from the outside world even more. Sounds grand. Since women are often portrayed as the one’s wanting a date night we can already see that this is catering to the male POV. See that lady laughing in the chair? That woman is so happy to always be chained to her home!
2. Don’t be Facebook Friends with each other. (White het couple in a white bed with white laptops)
Here I have to share this precious and disgusting quote that accompanies this tip. “It’s a terrible idea for spouses to be Facebook friends with each other,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D, “Relationships are already filled with enough banality. I want to preserve what little mystery there is, which means I don’t need to see my wife’s latest check-in with her third-grade pals on her Superwall.” Wow just listen to that entitled, disdain. Women are so stupid with their grade school friends. I just want a fuck doll. I don’t want to know about her life.
This advice assumes so much about women and is clearly aimed at men. Never mind that most couples spend a lot of time apart and could find FB a useful way to keep in touch, share photos and learn about each other’s pasts. If you hate your spouse and her FB updates so much why are you with her Ian Kerner? What’s wrong with you?
Let’s not forget the other thing FB is useful for! It’s great for cheating, hooking up, looking at pictures of women, etc. It’s also a place where men, who are still friends with their wives openly chastise their womenfolk for whatever fresh offense pops into their minds. Think I’m making it up. Like me I’m sure you know someone who has cheated using FB, stalked a girl, criticized their wife, etc.
3. Get an e-mail address just for each other. (White lady in a park on a laptop)
This one is weird. It basically says get an e-mail address that you use just for each other and don’t e-mail shopping lists (i.e. don’t pester the man to pick up stuff from the market).
4. Schedule time for sex. This tip is accompanied by two pairs of light colored feet in a white bed.
This one is easy. Let the man stick it in you once a week so he’s happy and not hounding you for sex. Think I’m making this up. Look to my last relationship with a man and my current friends. Constant hounding for PIV sex with being told that mutual masturbation, oral sex, etc is not “real sex”
5. Don’t argue. (White het couple with their backs turned in a white bed)
This disgusting tip tells people to schedule out a time six months in advance and not fight until then. The fights highlighted are all domestic issues that sound suspiciously like things that men typically neglect to do, forget, etc based on my understanding of domestic statistics. Look at this advice “The money fight, the recycling fight, whatever: you’ll have it on May 15, time TBA. Until then, not a word.” Great way to grow resentment! Ladies keep your damn mouths shut!
6. Use “we” when we fight, not “I”
Again, ladies shut the fuck up about yourselves! We men don’t want to hear about your date nights, FB friends, e-mails to get groceries, protestations about sex, or recycling bullshit!
7. Do “chore play” (White het couple in matching pink shirts clean the man holds a vacuum hose out like a phallus over his groin)
Clean the house and fuck each other PIV.
“Researchers in the Netherlands found that the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety,” says Kerner.
No shit researchers, but do you know what that really means. We FABs live our lives in fear of rape, anxiety over our appearance, performance and all that other socialized nonsense and having PIV is just another scary prospect leading to perhaps unwanted pregnancies, etc.
FAKE SCIENCE MISSING THE FOREST FOR THE TREES SINCE FOREVER!
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